Sunday, June 19, 2005

Why is father's day so hard

Father's day without a father. On such days before is was not a big deal. I mean when you are a kid it is. You draw a picture or make a gift or pick out something special--or try too. My father had so much later I would recognize this day with a tie, a card and a call. This is becausee my appreciation for my father did not have to be celebrated on a special day. I celebrated, relied, depended, loved him everyday--and now that is all changed. The love is still there but has no where to go and I feel like I have all this energy and I do not know what to do with it. To have watched someone you love die is a powerful experience. I find I am having flashbacks at inappropriate moements or at times when I did not want or expect them. So maybe I should not be surprised that I am having such strong feelings today "father's day" but I am. I cried listening to the stieve nicks song, Landslide.

There was a remake about the time I was going to the hospice

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you get bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down.


Potted-flower said...

I don't see my father on fathers days. hardly, anyway, and I am pretty much a kid. I phone him though. are those song lyrics or a poem? - it reminds me of a song... nice blog.

Potted-flower said...

Oh excuse me it is a song. Sorry!

Pecos Blue said...

Great song I will see if I can figure out how to have it play from a button.

Leslie said...

That's so sweet!

Thanks for visiting my blog. I do hope you'll come back. I know I'll be back here!

fishtail said...

I can relate to what you wrote, having lost my mother recently. Well, it was 3 years ago, but it felt recent. Hospice and all. Now, I try to live the life that mum would have me live; her values and all.

Misreflection said...

Its always hard losing one you love.. but I take my consolation from the fact that you still have the memories and really life is a moving expereince, holding on just causes more pain. Tough I know- but true, just live each day and spead some love and joy.What else can one do..

gulnaz said...

It must be awful what you are going through. just be strong, be happy, thats what dad's want their lil girls to be happy.

Free Spirit said...

Why is father's day so hard? It's because you loved your father. You still give him the gift of your love everyday and that's why I'm sure he's happy wherever he is now.

Lorena said...

i hope you made it ok and are feeling better. i find that crying is good for the soul.
landslide is such a beautiful song. thanks for the lyrics.

hope you have better days :)

Pecos Blue said...

Thank you for all of your support. It really does help.

mermaid said...

That song is so appropriate, isn't it? Have you ever heard of the song, 'Winter' by Tori Amos?

When there is no one to receive your love, maybe you can try sending a message to your Father in a bottle into the sea, or tying it to a balloon and letting it go to the sky. That way, you'll feel like he hears you. Just a thought.

I think he would be proud of your loving remembrance.

finnegan said...

You were so lucky to have had a father. I did too, but he was never there.

The feelings you send here are sad to me in ways I somehow cannot grasp.