Thursday, September 28, 2006

screams, moans cries like i never thought possible

after three tries and 45 mins. he is now taking his afternoon nap. no one told me that he would keep crying time and time again and that it would be a battle that you must have over and over.


i never thought it would be so hard to hear my son cry but it rips at my very fiber, my being, the core, sorta like i am being torn inside out --i want to scream, shout and do something crazy when he is crying. i cannot stand it--it hurts so much. i find that i start cleaning (or opening the wine) like mad and i begin looking for soemthing to distract myself from his crys and pleas and it is like he knows it gets to me, so once in a while he will throw in a real shril one--peiercing the kind that makes you think something must have happened and then i go in and find that he does not even have a tear! i have never felt like this before.

my husband does not feel this way at all.

whew feels better just to write it down. i am going to have to work hard not to be such a sucker such a push over mother and yet these fibers that attach us are so strong.

being a mother truly is a challenge unlike any before.

16 comments:

Keshi said...

motherhood sure sounds like a heavy challenge for someone like me. LOL!

Take it easy girl!

Keshi.

samuru999 said...

It will be ok!
How old is your son?
Try and relax!
Have a nice hot cuppa tea!
Take care!

Margie

abhay k said...

Wow!
that shows your deep understanding of being a mother...
best...

AngelaFerreira said...

Hello there! Thanks for visiting my blog, I had to have a little peep at yours too and… hey another mammy and for the look at it, another desperate housemama. For the reads of it your child is very young right?
Well let me tell you my daughter is now over 3 years old, she doesn’t cry constantly (from 5-7 times a day down to 2-1) but when she does her crying still does all that to my body, mind and soul… just the way you have describe it!
I find meditation really helps me get through it because I need a lot of concentration in my work too. I also go to a meditation group weekly.
Just to be able to be away for one hour, meditating in peace and quiet, no interruptions, blank mind and self-awareness of ourselves as One (because being a mother we forget ourselves all the time) really helps me get through those crying times. All the best to you, hug!

Misreflection said...

I have to smile while reading this as I can identify so can thousands of other moms out there I'm sure.. It really is the biggest challenge ever and it does not stop.. but you'll get stronger..My son is now a teenager and boy is it a different world out there as far as he's concerned.. The toughest job ever is raising him right now.Good luck you'll find you'll grow with your child in more ways than one ... and many thanks for dropping by my blog.. Take care.

Pecos Blue said...

keshi,

it is a challenge but the best kind

margie,

6 months : )
i am. it helps to write about it but truly i am in awe.

abhay,

i wish thank you.

angelaferreira,

thank you for your insights. he is 6 months old. this is just what my hisband suggested and meditation is really what got me through labor. So you are right i should take it up again. i meant to keep it up but the time just slips through my fingers....

misreflection,

thank you for the advice and i am looking forward to the growth--it has already started.

Tiffany said...

Enjoy every moment before you know they will be a teenager. Keep up the superb work:-)

Cheers

Jon Cox said...

Everything will be alright, it just takes time. I wish you the very BEST!!!! Thank you so much for stopping by, I love your bat idea! Right now, I'm trying to sell my work and get it on display as well, where ever I can. Thank you again! I'm very glad you like my latest work! :o)

gautami tripathy said...

Enjoy all these moments. It will be allright.

niki yokota said...

cheer up peco-chan!!!!
i think ur husband, family, friends should help u more :D
i wud have gone there and sit beside u, if u are in my neighbourhood.
take care!!

polona said...

raising a child has never been easy (one of the reasons i'm not a mother), and you seem to be doing a great work. wishing you and your baby all the best!

Nabeel said...

hmm .. all they need is a hug and care and kisses and some chocolate perhaps

gulnaz said...

well mothers deserve all the respect in the world and some more!!!
:)

Barbara J Gill said...

I am a grandma now (55 and one grandchild) and I am watching my daughter go through this from time to time. I used to clean - turn the music up and vacuum or something. As long as you keep an eye on the little one ... it's good for the lungs ... I found being home full time with three children quite hard on the nerves! So I went out to work part time to keep myself sane. Nothing easy about being a mama but one of the MOST important roles we ever will undertake. Love to you. www.shandarrah.com Barbara

Pecos Blue said...

Tiffany-- I think the challenges just keep growing.

Jon--can't wait to see the bat.

Gautami--will do

niki--that would be nice--hope to see more photos soon.

nabeel-- I am eating the chocolate : )

Polana--thank you

Merryweather said...

:)

Wish you best of luck.

I guess babies usually cry when they're hungry, need a diaper change or want to sleep in your arms... :)